For a while I had no plan. I am the first in my family to go to college and this 'blue collar kid' did not know anything about the 'White Collar' world - except back then they could not ship your white collar ass job overseas... so after being recruited after college to the New York tri-state area for work - there I was just doin what I do and doin it well and see where things went. I always figured if it doesn't go so well then time to change...
But then it became a plan.
This plan had a road to take but no map (its a brave new world out there buddy...) for someone outside of the 'white collar' world. So I looked around and kept the bosses happy and delivered and was rewarded and kept it up, kept them happy and was rewarded.... so then it became a pattern and with reward comes more risks to handle and responsibilities to oversee. The plan became a pattern, this pattern can be pretty successful and easy to complete - as long as you make everyone happy.....
ah there is the catch...
Yes - the plan is boring, lifeless and uncharacteristically stale for me. I have tried to add life to the plan, but the results are not the same. 'Thinking outside of the box' and being of 'entrepreneurial spirit' is probably good if it is your own business and your own risk, but if it is not something the bosses like then you also risk your reward....
A few months ago, I actually had my first real time away from work in 3 years that kept me away from work and allowed me to think and assess where I am at in my life.
My values and how I approached life were I have found best expressed in 1992 while reading Shelby Steele's 'The Content of Our Character'.
Be both an individual and a responsible citizen, understand that the quality of you life will approximately reflect the quality of effort you put into it, know that individual responsibility is the basis of freedom, and the limitations imposed by fate (whether fair or unfair) are no excuse for passivity.
I have always looked to the future and have a hard time in the 'now' of things. I can enjoy the moment, but between planned and spontaneous events occurring - I prefer spontaneous. In the future I plan to get married, but I do not do anything 'now' to make it happen.
I don'0t know maybe I am making it too complex. Work is work and I am in need of a change and am planning a change in terms of improving what I am doing now and what I will do in the future.
Outside of work, alot more has changed, although since I am traveling so much I have less time to actually meet new people and start a relationship. When I am not traveling, I am catching up at work and home and overcoming the weariness that creeps in when you need a moment for yourself.
When I do have time to go out, it seems like more trouble then it is worth - bu tit charges my batteries and I feel much better for having a social life outside of work and now also season tickets to ice hockey :o) as long as I am not traveling...
So I am going out more and have been meeting new people and am trying to take in the moment again like I did a few years before. I felt I lost the old me and that it was replaced by this planned 'future' aspect of work, deliver and reward.
I still work and deliver and expect the rewards to come along with it, but now I am also careful with the people I meet and not only working on the 'plan', but working on enjoying the moment...
Even when my boss is yelling so much the spit is crossing the room - I realize I need to keep my sanity - and when I am able to keep calm and peaceful through these events, people begin to wonder - what is up with B these days....
ah the quality of life
